Showing posts with label Shitty Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shitty Music. Show all posts

Weekly Mailbag! Vol. 5: Remedial Letter Writing

It's been at least a year since my last Weekly Mailbag, so the name isn't even REMOTELY accurate. I kind of like calling it Weekly Mailbag in spite of that. It's kinda what makes blogging fun.

Let's start with an e-mail:



To: the Public Readers of The Hartford Advocate & the Editor and Dan Barry

Dan Barry has it all wrong.

For anyone that was standing in the club on Saturday night in down town Hartford- Up Or On the Rocks was featuring Connecticut's TIP THE VAN from Marlborough & the crowd loved them!

The place was packed. The crowd was cheering,dancing,singing
,clapping and the SOUNDMAN "FESTER" was swinging the chain hung lamp back & froth because he was so excited.TIP THE VAN was never a full blown ska band anyway, and if Mr.Barry had ever seen TIP THE VAN at any previous show in CT he wouldn't have made the unfair comments he published in this weeks Local Motion. Up Or On the Rocks will see me again if they book TIP THE VAN and I will tell all my friends to come out for one of the best bands this state of ours has to offer.TIP THE VAN is a rock/reggae/power ska band. Pick up their newest cd titled 'Something Wicked" and you would know this is a band that has a rock influence. The horn lines are awesome and powerful. "Chicago" is a rock band. Anyone with have a brain knows that a band with horns doesn't necessarily mean you are a ska band. TIP THE VAN'S two lead vocalist sisters Nicole & Simone make this band my # 1 band to go see & listen to.I can't wait for TIP THE VAN to re
lease another cd because I'll be in line amongst the many fans who voted TIP THE VAN the # 1 band in the Hartford Advocate Grand Band Slam - to get another cd to skank to.Check out TTV'S web site and listen for yourself.
www.tipthevan.com or www.myspace.com/tipthevan


Yup, Dan Barry has it all wrong.

Signed- TIP THE VAN FAN FOR LIFE!



So what you're saying is, um, you're a fan of TIP THE V... excuse me, Tip The Van. And you advertised their CD, which I already knew about. Was there anything else?

No? Great. Moving on, then.

* * *

As you might imagine, the vast majority of responses to my column -- when they're not from the musicians themselves -- are from someone claiming to to be the General Public (though they are often, I shit you not, girlfriends/parents/roadies of the band who received my less-than-sparkling review. You know that MySpace page you made where it says "MY BOYFREINDS BAND IS SOSOOOOO FREAKIN AWESOME"? Yeah. It's not hard to find). And they're fuckin' angry. They want to kill me. They want to bleed me to death slowly by hundreds of tiny papercuts made with Hartford Advocate pages.

Unfortunately, these people then sit down behind their keyboards and compose letters like the above. "I've got it all wrong," our anonymous writer claims -- and then goes on to summon up a bunch of random information that has absolutely nothing to do with what I wrote. Yup, the crowd was definitely into it -- but I never claimed they weren't. I caught those powerful horn lines; I remember specifically complimenting Steph, the trombonist, as a good player. And yeah, I was aware of their CD -- I first listened to it when I penned the cover article about TTV winning our Band Slam this past summer. (Our correspondent must have missed my byline.) In my recent review of Tip The Van, my central point had nothing to do with any of these things. I argued that they are not a ska band, despite their claim to be. I argued that due to certain things they did in their songs and on their instruments -- and certain things they did not do -- they were more like plain old alternative rock.

"TIP THE VAN is a rock/reggae/power ska band," writes our correspondent. Well, ska historically preceded reggae, so if they don't have the elements of ska style, they probably don't have much reggae in 'em, either. And I had never heard of "power ska" as a subgenre before, but a quick Google search seems to turn up other bands who are rock/ska hybrids -- which, as far as I can tell, is exactly the same kind of watered-down, 3rd-wave skate-punk ska I was bagging on in the first place.

So... what you're saying is, I was right? Because a second ago you said I was wrong. You're losin' me, baby!

* * *

It saddens me that the vast majority of our readership, it seems, is so lacking in anything resembling argumentative or rhetorical skills that they can't even latch onto the main idea of my column -- let alone disprove it. It saddens me more when a zealous reader, trying to come to the defense of their beloved band, accidentally lends support to my arguments. That shit is so sixth grade. Like, if it came to me written on a piece of paper folded up into one of those little square packets, I would take it seriously. But somebody let you on the internet, and that means you're old, and should know better, and that shit scares me.

A lot of people put the burden on members of the press to write responsibly. And we should and must, I agree; but the buck doesn't stop there. I think the public also has an obligation to read responsibly. If you can't read an article or watch a newscast and isolate the main idea, then you're not going to notice when media organizations start replacing Good Press with ridiculous biases, factually incorrect statements, and self-imposed censorship.

Wait. Wait a second. OH, FUCK!

Apathy Tears Collabos a New One

Check out Apathy's post on MySpace where he shreds one of hip hop's most abused institutions: the collaboration track.

The Conspicuous Willingness of Secondary Metal Markets to Commercialize/Market Themselves as Though They Were Primary

... or: You're All Fucking MySpace Sellouts.

CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF OVERHYPED DEATHGRIND ARTISTS

Summer 2003: Daughters
Fall/Winter 2003: Between the Buried and Me
Summer 2004: Invocation of Nehek
Summer 2005: Through the Eyes of the Dead
Fall/Winter 2005: Job for a Cowboy
Summer 2006: Suicide Silence

Oh yes, motherfuckers: I see you. I see exactly what you’re doing.

You know what you are?
Coldplay.
Keane.
The Killers.
Editors.
of metal.

The "it" band until the next "it" band comes along.

Fuckin’ shame on you.

What I Wrote/What They Quote

A story:

About a year ago now, I received a review copy of Livintrust's CD "BlindDrive" in the mail. I put it on and gave it a few spins... And I was like, "eesh -- I am *really* not feelin' this." I put it aside, and when I had a chance, I went to see them live. (That's the true test -- after all, look at what happened with Porto. I wasn't very keen on their first LP, Nemesis -- but then I checked them out live, and holy shit! They're awesome!) I saw LivinTrust play at Zen Bar in Farmington, and before their set, their drummer Matt Chirsky sidled up to me, acted chummy, bought me and my girlfriend drinks... Then they went on stage, and they sounded exactly like their album. Which is to say that they came off as talented musicians who crank out cookie-cutter nu-metal songs.

In the following days, the LT boys were politely persistent about asking what I thought. I told them the truth: that I saw a lot of problems with their tunes, that if I wrote a review it would be pretty critical and negative, and that I didn't want to go to press with a review like that when they had been good to me at the show. A while down the road, Chirsky got back to me and said that the band had talked about it, and decided that they wanted me to go ahead and publish the review anyway.

Ok, I thought. If you say so.



Fast-forward to today. I just saw this and I thought it was awesome. Guess it just goes to show: your words can be used against you in a court of law, but they can be flipped around sideways and backwards by musicians!

WHAT I WROTE
(from "Kiss It Goodbye," Hartford Advocate, January 5, 2006 - http://hartfordadvocate.com/gbase/Music/content.html?oid=oid:138763)

Livintrust
Blind Drive
(One Six One)

Considering the massive success that local boys Staind have enjoyed in recent years, it's not surprising that Connecticut musicians are still eager to jump on the "I'm so angry and misunderstood" bandwagon. Problem is, Staind peaked a while ago. Now they, like their nu-metal sires Korn and Limp Bizkit, are cranking out drivel that even the most terminally abused teenagers can see through. While the rise and fall of these bands is enough to make a solid case for the death of nu-metal, the real clincher is the onslaught of pre-fab "heavy alternative" bands on the local level, each trying to get a peck at the corpse. Such is the case with Livintrust. They've modeled their album Blind Drive almost note-for-note on Sevendust's recent material. (Gosh, don't those names sound so similar?) Meanwhile, Livintrust are enjoying all the commercial plaudits you might imagine a flawless rip-off would get: corporate sponsorships, song rotation on WCCC, and a recent opening slot for Audioslave. The real talent in the Livintrust camp is their marketing execs.

WHAT THEY QUOTE

(from the Livintrust MySpace, www.myspace.com/livintrust05)

Hartford Advocate, Dan Barry
"...like Korn and Limp Biskit...Livintrust are enjoying all the commercial plaudits you might imagine... corporate sponsorships, song rotation on WCCC, and a recent opening slot for Audioslave...real talent..."


This blog post brought to you by the ellipsis (...), Bud Light True Music, and unresolved teenage angst.

Diamondback Featured on I-84 West's Electronic Billboard

Driving from Hartford back to the Local Commotion Compound, ducking through lanes of rush hour traffic, I look up and who do I see on the big billboard (near Hartford Elf Storage) than cover band extraordinaire Diamondback.

Come to Hartford. It's fun, I swear!

Job Opportunity: Biotechnician/Viral Engineer

Freelance writer seeks talented laboratory technician to engineer and oversee production of small batches of cover-band-killing virus. Pay commensurate with experience. Minimum of 1-2 years experience covering ears, overdrinking in greater Hartford area nightclubs required. E-mail localmotionct at gmail dot com for further details. Please, no telephone calls.

And while I'm in a complainy mood,

Can somebody PLEASE explain to me what the deal is with whores in metalcore lyrics? Specifically, why they're in every other verse?

I mean, is it supposed to be some kind of sociopolitical commentary on selling out and whoring yourself for fashion? (Because this got big WAY before MySpace. I mean, even Dillinger Escape Plan was screaming about whores on Calculating Infinity back in '99. And that was before the guys-wearing-girlpants explosion and LONG before those fucking studded punk belts were suddenly around every sorority girl's waist.)

I mean, do these men actually USE whores? Do they KNOW whores (biblically and/or non-biblically)?

Is it some kind of metaphor for postmodern malaise? Because I'll tell ya, bub -- the whores have been around for a lot longer than postmodernism.

Actually, can somebody just explain to me why 98% of metalcore lyrics fucking suck?

It's enough to drive me to listen to Elvis Costello or The Pixies or Tom Waits or some shit.

The Blacklist

The following songs have been BANNED by Local Motion:

Wonderwall
Mustang Sally
Brown-Eyed Girl
Lovin' (Is What I Got)
Livin' On A Prayer
Jenny (867-5309)
Hotel California

This is just a partial list. Readers, submit your blacklisted songs!

(Not So) Weekly Mailbag! Vol. 2: More Covers than Bed Bath and Beyond

You may have noticed by now that my Weekly Mailbag feature is, uh, not very weekly. Fact is, 50% of it is I'm lazy, and 50% of it is that negative reviews are the only things that generate significant amounts of feedback. (And POORLY WRITTEN feedback at that.)

Still, occasionally I get a tidbit worth sharing. Here's part of an interesting exchange I had with Dave, the bassist of a new band called Kadarka Blu.

Dave wrote:

Date: Feb 14, 2006 11:29 PM
Subject: Re: Local band info

Hi there-

I am in a local band called "Kadarka Blu"(http://www.kadarkablu.com/) and we are currently finishing up a demo CD. We will be ready to start playing out within a couple months. My question to you is, even though we're doing a good job of writing/recording some original music, because I am fairly new to this (as is most of our band with the exception of the drummer) I have made it clear that I think we'll NEED to play covers to begin booking gigs. My bandmates are really against this, and honestly I would LOVE to focus on just originals but for now I feel like we need to just get our foot in the door and I am also concerned that there are few clubs in CT that book bands playing mainly originals.

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on this topic, and maybe suggestions of certain clubs, best open mics(we are thinking of trying Sully's this Sunday), etc. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!

Dave(Bass player)

I responded:

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing! I'm so psyched that you asked me to weigh in on this.

As you've sensed by now, the bars in the greater Hartford area tend to like their covers. A lot. Too much, actually.

If your aim as a band is to stay financially viable, pay for your equipment, and put some cash in your pockets on the side, then yes,you will need to play covers. The fact is that all the most desirable local rock venues (The Hungry Tiger, The Red Door, All-Stars, Bourbon St., etc.) have cover bands regularly-to-exclusively. Even Sully's, who is probably the most supportive venue of original music in the Hartford area, has a fair percentage of cover bands.

What a lot of bands overlook -- and it's really unfortunate -- is the vast number of venues towards the south of the state that push original rock really hard. As you get closer to New Haven, bars get friendlier and friendlier towards originals, until -- poof! -- you're at someplace like Cafe 9 or Rudy's that brings in asskicking original rock pretty much every night of the week. It *is* possible in CT -- or anywhere, for that matter -- it's just that Hartford chooses not to do it. (More on that in a minute.) If you guys are willing to drive, I cannot urge you strongly enough to get in touch with the New Haven area bars and build a fanbase down there. If you get your foot in the door in that area, you'll be able to make money AND keep your original-rock integrity intact -- which, to me, is like having your cake and eating it, too :)

If you want to get a feel for how Hartford-area bands confront the cover vs. originals problem, you should all come out to the Snow Slam in Hartford on the 23rd. I don't say that to plug my own event ... There are a few bands playing that you should keep your eyes on. Magnesium Jake and Kaya will probably play a mix of covers and originals -- Tenet and Pushboxx may do some originals, too. The Snow Slam is our cover band event; in the summertime, the Band Slam is much more focused on originals, and will give you a better feel for bands who are set up similarly to yours.

If you've been following my column, then you probably know some of my main problems with the whole cover band scene around here. Most bands play 90% covers and then throw in an original to comfort their guilty conscience. With so many bands doing that, newcomers like you guys get screwed because you have to figure out to what degree you want tofollow the trend.

So, that's problem #1: bands are too eager to cave to the covers trend. (Problem #1.5 is that a lot of the songs they coverssssssssuck.) Problem #2 is that local bar/club owners are too restrictive; they mostly want cover-heavy bands. Problem #3, and this is the super-difficult one, is that you have dudes like Mark Tannenbaum, who basically books and promotes every single popular cover band and every single popular bar. At some point most successful bands around here have to make a decision as to whether to work with him or not. It's ultimately your choice. He can get you gigs at the best venues, which will get you a big fanbase and move tons of merch. But then, there's that whole, you know, selling your soul thing. Look at http://tannentunes.com/ to get a feel for what's going on behind the scenes here in CT.

SO that's the long answer. It *is* possible to make it as an all-originals band -- but not recommended in the Central/North part of the state. Down South = much easier and much more fun. (Hey, if I live up by Torrington, and *I* drive down there to review shows, they must have somethin' good.)

As for good venues -- check out the link to my blog at the end of the e-mail. There's a list on the side of the blog that has links to all my favorite venues. No crap allowed on that list! :) So that may be a good starting point.

I wish you guys luck, and definitely send me a demo when you're done with it -- I'm excited to hear it.

Take care, and thanks again for writing,
Dan